This journal entry is my way of being more open and honest with myself. I’ve recently been focusing more on my mental health and trying to improve myself through honest self reflection. This is me being honest.
If you’re like me at all somedays you really cannot tell a difference between self-love and self-hate. An interesting thought exercise is to make a list of honest thoughts about yourself. This can seem a bit cringy at first but hey, no one is looking. (Except for you and anyone else reading this I guess.)
My list looks something like:
- I am unworthy of love and acceptance
- Anything I create is unworthy of attention
- I create unhealthy relationships and am toxic towards the ones I love
Yes, I know this list is cringy and way too personal but the point is to be honest with yourself. Now look over your list and try to decide if you would say these things to someone you love. It helps if you think of someone specific, like your mom. My immediate thoughts about this list is that it’s cruel. I would never say these to anyone let alone someone I love. If the answer to this is the same for you then you don’t practice self-love, you practice self-hate.
The solution to this isn’t as easy as just saying “don’t say that about yourself.” It’s really something you have to sit with until you get into the habit of practicing self-love. The only advice I can offer (and what has helped me) is to remind yourself whenever these thoughts come back that you’re being cruel to yourself. You are worthy of love, I promise you.
“Would you say this to someone you love?”
IMO self-discipline is a form of self-love. Instead of thinking of it as “You have to go to the gym today or you’re worthless”, think of it as “You are worthy of a good body, therefore you are going to the gym today.”
Self-love and self-discipline are in mutual agreement, you can’t have one without the other. If you love yourself, you’ll do the things that help yourself.