I’ve been anxious for most of my adult life, my experience with anxiety and paranoia has been a painful one to say the least. I’m trying something new and writing out some of my anxieties in the hopes this will help ease them. Welcome to my very public and embarrassing mental health experiment. Please if you know me in real life do me a favor and don’t read this (or at least pretend you hadn’t).

What has caused you anxiety?

I’ve taken a lot of time and thought about what causes me to feel anxious. There are still times (more often than not) that I don’t know exactly what is causing it. But I’ve found that listing your main causes of anxiety (and why) can actually help. Just knowing the threat and recognizing it takes some of the edge off. So in the spirit of transparency, here are my guts spilled out in the form of a markdown file, parsed and pretty-printed on a Hugo blog:

  • Scared of isolation, not having anyone to rely on (this is a nasty one)
  • Past mistakes, cringing at awkward moments/shitty things I’ve done
  • Thoughts of self-doubt, being green/envious of others
  • Work, the customer service industry is soul draining (your coworkers can be great though)

After writing them down, think about whether or not each of them is worth worrying about (‘Whats the worst case scenario?') and if so, list ways you can avoid it. Since you’re there (reading) and I’m here (writing), I guess I’ll go first.

Isolation

Worth worrying. Becoming isolated is one of my biggest fears, not having anyone to help, not having anyone to hold, these thoughts are constant.

Some ways to prevent this:

The past

This one isn’t worth worrying about. Your past does not define you, as long as you learn from your mistakes. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and I try my hardest to not repeat them.

Self-doubt

Worst case scenario, I’m a horrible person & have no talent/skills. Some things to help prevent this is:

Work

Worrying about work is not worth it. Worst case scenario you lose your job (which is obviously a big deal, don’t get me wrong) but maintain a contractual relationship with work. You work for them just as much as they work for you. If you find yourself out of a contract, there will always be another place to work. In the case of the customer service industry, good news is after your 8 hour shift you get to go home! No bitch complaining about the prices (which you can’t control), changing their order at the drive-thru window, or spilling their drink once you’ve clocked out.